It snowed today

Tell me you're depressed, without telling me you’re depressed…

I woke up at 10:15 am.

I tried scrolling to wake up, but instead it just made me more tired.

I fought with my alarm for hours.

12:43 pm I hit snooze again.

1:28 pm I try to convince my legs that they should move.

1:40 pm My son calls to tell me it’s snowing with joy in his voice and he hears the exhaustion in mine.

“I just don’t feel well today.”

I lie.

There’s a Tick Tock trend that’s super popular right now. It goes similarly to the one above and hits all on sorts of topics. Tell me you’re gay, tell me you’re an only child, tell me you’re XYZ...

It brings up an interesting conversation about how we perceive the world around us. How we’ve been conditioned to think so narrowly to say that someone is depressed only if they can’t get out of bed, or say that someone is gay because of how they talk or the fact they like rainbows.

I’m depressed and most days I get out of bed. I’m depressed and I still go to work. I’m depressed and I don’t usually sleep 16 hours in a day. But just because someone doesn’t fit the mold that our society has created does not mean they aren’t still that thing.

Today it snowed.

Something that doesn’t happen much in this small East Texas town.

I love snow.

I have for as long as I can remember. One year for Christmas, my mom themed the gifts my brother and I got. I can’t remember his theme, but mine was snow. I got a pretty white jacket with silver and gold snowflakes and a dainty white snowflake necklace speckled with tiny diamonds that glittered perfectly. That was the Christmas before my brother died. And every single time it’s snowed, I like to think it’s a little gift from him.

But even with that gift, it doesn’t mean I’m not sad.

But I made myself go out. I made myself throw on a bodysuit and get my remote. I forced myself out of the house. I forced myself to take advantage of the moment because I know I might not get another chance. So I took photos. But even with all of this, it doesn’t mean I’m not depressed.

So tell me you’re depressed without telling me you’re depressed…

Today I took photos in the snow and for a second felt alive.

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